A life, A time, A moment,

Someday, sometime,

A free thought, A free will, 

When I can do all that I will,

that lies in my nature,

that my past has taught me,

that my past hasn't let me,

That my present teaches me still,

that I think about, about that I plan,

Someday in future when I can,

will have a time, a moment.

someday, sometime. 

A Dream of Memories..

A sudden experience of weightlessness came over me. An experience of having no worries, no responsibilities, no care. The sound of children playing in the street was either very familiar or very real. i decided to continue with the experience. I saw myself playing in the streets of some village with some other children. I felt like I was there, thinking and live. Some part of my brain had already contradicted the events and informed my conscience that it was not real. I opened my eyes to reality. I was on my bed, my thoughts raced back to the present. It was christmas and I was in Germany . I heard the sound of children playing outside. I went to the window and watched them play. I realised I can imagine, but it would never be close to what I experienced in dreams. An experience of memories. I will be again busy with the real world soon.

Lab: A senior to me inbetween a general related conversation about our boss, "of course she gives you a lot of freedom, freedom which you would like, and freedom which you wouldn't like... you would hope she spends some time on you atleast in the beginning."

Another post doc:" I have been here long enough, and I am here because I have nowhere else to go, all these huge number of people in the lab, everybody has there own niche, you cannot really go and say ' hey I would like to do dome experiments with FCS', you would need other skills for it. and some poeple take out there earphones only when they want, other wise there song goes on.."

During the practical course in a lab, two italians and me. 

First Italian: listen Senthil, I have already talked to him about this, but do you mind if I talk with the incharge so that we can come late tomorrow?"

Me: yes, of course, I dont mind starting late by an hour or two if its something really important to you...

First Itlalian: ya, thanks a lot.

then the incharge comes in, he starts," We wanted to ask you if we can come at 12 noon from tomorrow onwards as I have a personal problem...

the incharge," Can I ask what is the problem? Its not just not my time, it means adjusting the times of all the people who have planned experiments with the instrument.."

First Italian: " I have joined the gym and since I get a discount if I go between 9 and 13 hours, I would like to go to gym, I have not been going the last week because of the lectures..."

The second italian looks at him and then me with a surprised look. I am also suprised at the seriousness of the issue. 

the incharge: I see that you are thinning down, but no. its not possible. Its  shitty (reason).

First Italian: ya i know, its a shitty, I have not gone since a week, i really wanted to go. But this practical and lectures....

All the three of us were astounded but of course we just tacitly smiled.

Cycle

I remember using a cycle since I was in school. I had a BSASLR cycle ironically called the Photon. I was then may be learning how fast a photon could travvel. I remember when I had gone with my parents to buy a cycle. I had always had an attraction to mechanical machines. As I went on looking at a costly, geared cycle shock absorbers, my Dad was convincing me to buy a cheaper old fashioned one, like the ones newspaper wallahs and milkmen used to have. Ultimately I settled down for a cheaper but little modern looking one, but the name much more than modern - the photon. I remember participating in a township cycle race, only to realise that others so called racing cycle were much faster. All my consistent pedalling and mental reassurances of overtaking went waste. Those cycles had much smaller flywheels in the rear, corresponding to a high gear in modern cycles. I later replaced the flywheel in my cycle too. What more, I also had a dynamo and a head light on it. A cycle ride in those days was almost a daily routine. In the early mornings of winters, I used to mince through the misty air, braving the chilly wind and cold to the river side, only to sit there for a few minutes and come back. I used the cycle for four years and managed to keep it looking like it was bought yesterday. and yes it had a five rupees BMW logo on its mudguard. 

Later I joined college and went to a different city and my cycle was sold for 500 rs. by my dad without my approval. I now bought a new bicycle, a racing one, less ironically, this one was called 'Mach 3'. I used to ride this bicycle all the way upto a theatre called SK Cinema, on Anand-Nadiad highway, approximately 10 kms from my hostel, so that I could buy movie tickets in advance and save money, only to go back with my future wife in an autorickshaw in the evening. When I left the city, I did not sell it, nor did I take it with me, I dont know what happened to it.

I was in Mumbai now. I found no pleasure and use in riding a bicycle in the crowded streets of Mumbai. I had forgotten the impetuous feel which I had when I rode bicycles, when I and the cycle used to be one, when each stroke of my feet powered it and my hands steered it with perfection. Speed used to be thrilling, a bicycle speed is different from a motor bike speed. Its the engine in bike, and here its you. 

This long forgotten experience was brought back in Germany. Here they call the bicycles 'bike'. A bike would usually mean a motorbike in India. But it cost me the same amount as a second hand motor bike would cost in  India. This one is a mountain bike, 21 gears, twin shock absorbers, lights and it was brought by my own money. Gears have changed now. 

Dresden offers one of the most beautiful and longest cycling routes. It goes from Dresden through the Sachsen Schweizz all the way along the river Elbe to Prague in Czech Republic,  a distance of 227 kms. I hope to ride all the way in the next summers sometime over a week. Of many other good things about a bicycle is that it connects you more to the surroundings, I often enjoy a long lonely ride along the Elbe on weekends. Of course, the weather in Dresden is not so condusive everyday, but, when its cold, ride faster to warm up, when its hot, ride faster to create a breeze..

                                   Road to Prague

No good byes.

I went back. Because the Tram display said there were still 18 minutes for it to come. Because there were 10 minutes for the train to leave. I thought there was not much to think about it, there were 10 good minutes. So I went back. I hesitated going into the train, so I went along it. I saw her through the windows. She was writing something. Don't know what. I knew she had gone for the writing pad even as I was turning around to go. I stood there for some two minutes. I thought I should go in. but there had already been a good bye. A very strange one too. I guess it was more strange because of me. I know I am no good at these things. So I stood there. A policeman looked at me suspiciously as he passed by. I looked at the watch, three minutes for the train. Three minutes is three minutes, it cannot be longer or shorter. I turned around never to go back again. The seven minutes were long enough. I know the world is not big enough nowadays and its round. see you again.

Perhaps Love..............

Perhaps love is like a resting place, A shelter from the storm

It exists to give you comfort, It is there to keep you warm

And in those times of trouble, When you are most alone

The memory of love will bring you home...

Perhaps love is like a window,Perhaps an open door

It invites you to come closer, It wants to show you more

And even if you lose yourself, And don`t know what to do

The memory of love will see you through

Oh, love to some is like a cloud, To some as strong as steel

For some a way of living, For some a way to feel

And some say love is holding on, And some say letting go

And some say love is everything,And some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the oceanFull of conflict, full of pain

Like a fire when it`s cold outside, Or thunder when it rains

If I should live forever, And all my dreams come true

My memories of love will be of you

Words and music by john denver